oh Suzy Tuesday

What a gig it was last night? Can you believe it? I knew a few people were coming- but I was actually overwhelmed by the magnitude and love in the room. Actually.

Lola cranked up for the first song doing her patented "lawn-mower" dance move and wa la! We were off and running on high octane. It was crazy- because I haven't practiced in a few days, but my fingers found the mark fairly well. Stain Bar! Man, their mulled wine is dopeje (czechlish for "dope").

I do love the fall, but does the fall love me? I ask this question once again peering out my window in a break from my personally bad work habits. Running the gambit of distractions, I should harness the power and focus on a single distraction. If only I could get my (Anthony's) bike fixed- that would take care of so many things.

I ran into a friend on my way home from Williamsburg. Let's call her Suzy Tuesday. Suzy was waiting to meet up with a manfriend at Blue Ribbon. I said that we should get a drink at Great Lakes until he arrives- I'd even let her pay. She agreed. We sat and talked and found out that the Masons are opening up a bit more to the world- it was fun. She told me her friend spoke to G-d yesterday during Yom Kippur. I wasn't impressed. I was skeptical. I know I shouldn't have been- but I can be a real jerk with my mug of cider and flannel waistband.

She said she wished she could talk to G-d. And the conversation went on.

She wanted to call the manfriend again- get drunker- go to him and straighten all the relationship thingys out. And I realized something......something deep.....something deeper than deep....something G-dly.

I said "Susy- don't go to him drunk. You and I both know he stood you up and it’s happened twice and a guy speaks with his actions. Don't go to him. You want to speak to G-d? G-d's right inside you and in your decisions. G-d’s that self-respect, that joy in simple beauty- that love that you feel for yourself. You just have to feel through the filth of self-pity you wallow in."

I harkened back to a previous reference "Suzy," I says, "Maybe he just had a great inner dialogue with himself. See, right now and right then, well, we can all have an inner dialogue with ourselves, but its when we see our limitations but have the faith in the emotional feeling of purity and joy for joys sake- then we are doing something holy...something G-dly…see past this dialogue / rationalization….we know there is something sound inside of us….reach for that souniness……does that make sense?" I'm not sure to this day (the day after) if it makes sense.

I said finally and most forthright, "don't go to him. You want G-d, well G-d is now." She wringed her hands, pleaded with me, said, "I know, I know, but I'll find G-d tomorrow. Tonight I want to go to my manfriend."

I really did my best to convince Suzy Tuesday that she shouldn't go to the guy drunk- that she should at least wait till the next day. I don't think it worked, but I tried.

See, I'm that guy who helps others with their self-actualization instead of working on my own. It's so easier to prescribe the answers to others, because then I feel like I kind of helped myself, but without having to change or do anything real.

he he he......oh well.....I think I'll take a nap.