getting ready for turkeyday

Today I visit the farm and see how my little plumpadeer is doing.

We've named him Fred. We picked him out some time ago, based soley on the look of his egg- its the most organic of ways.

Fred has had a steady diet of corn, squash, nibblets and rasberries for that extra flavor. He still has a few last meals though- about a month and a week. A week before "his big day," we add a spoonful of brandy to his diet. Again, this will bring add to an all around flavor.

Crap. I lost my train of thought. Hmmm. Well, today is a pretty day outside. I bet I'll go for a quick bike ride.

Hey, did you guys like my blogs better when I was parading my ventures as a womanizer? I feel like you did- like when I was writing about neighborhood occurances. It felt like I was telling ALL of our stories, in a way. Now I just goof around.

Hmm...okay, okay, okay, here we go. I haven't been drinking too much, so I don't have that great of stories- except for last Saturday night.

I went out with a lesbian to some Park Slope bars. I had my hair back in a pony tail, wore a scarf and let one braided strand hang low. I wore the New Jersey tuxedo- jean jacket and jeans. I felt like the prince of Bagdad, way before the modern era. Let's say, in 1284 a.d. (the Muslim culture at the time was far advanced to most others--- including their understanding of irony and making fun of N.J., somehow it was/ is intuitive).

So we went out, we drank. We look fondly at women. That's it.

Shit. I got nothing, sorry. I am dry. No more alcohol fueled expiditons and memories to fall back on when writing. I must tally forth with entertainment......tally ho!

Roger wrote me a letter the other day asking for his $12 back. I replied, sealed the envelope, dotted the "i" on the exterior flap, and out it went. I wrote back, "sorry sucker."

I received his reply to my reply by email. It was this: : (----

I didn't know if he was sad or hitting on me. So I replied with this: "I don't know if you're sad or hitting on me."
/
/ /
He replied with this: *)-+~~~~~~~~~~---
/ ..
/

And that was that. We are no longer friends, AND I did send him the money back to make sure not to hear from him again.

(how was that? Funny? Anybody out there? Cyber-void!!!!!)

Oh, I have to run to a meeting. Peace!

*********** you'll have to trust that the symbol man I made was totatlly lewd! I just can't get it right this damn blog editor thingy! But man, it was totally, totally lewd!

Cesuo Zai Nali?

bop-a-lop bop-a-doo. Bop-a-lop-a-doo. Jazz, jazz, jazz....just warming up the hands and vocals before I proceed with another fantastic blogging. Me me me (sung in triads chromatically ascending).

I, I, I (thoughts of what pleasures may come tonight)

U, U, U (how I'll steal kisses from your mouth)

We, We, We (how we'll be caught in the bushes by your mother's boyfriend's searchlight).

No, No, No (how we'll plead he won't spill the beans).

Ney, Ney, Ney (how we'll plead in Czech, just in case).....

Columbus Day, people. The big CD. I've been waiting for this day to come for 356.25 days, and I'm giddy as Andy Roddick's Labrador on Christmas (I imagine this dog retrieves sport important tennis balls).

Why the love? Because Columbus was not only a great explorer who fought the odds, but a visionary.

See, Columbus didn't want to find a new world. He just wanted to find India and China, right? This is common knowledge. But did you know that Columbus carried a letter? It was from the mystical queen of Europa United. She is an underground, but transcendent queen living in the roots of the Swiss Mountain Life Tree-thing. She is what keeps it together, when she keeps it together.

So, he was delivering a message from her European Highness to the mystical continental queen AsiaAsiaAsia (big continent), and this message? It was the oil to anoint a new continent epoch ruler.

See, every epoch / age / era has a continental ruler. It starts with big organized culture and civilization and all that. So, take my word for it, the first spot was in China and India through a combined powerhousy-dealy. And then this AsiaAsiaAsia queen/entity gets bored and passes the buck West through the mid-East and the Mediterranean and passes the buck onto the emerging Europa. But, see it was like the lend lease act. Because it is lending, she wanted the power to rule back at some point- for her people's sake. She’s a good mom/ figure / type.

So yeah- Columbus, message deliverer. A kind of mystical / political / off course Samuel, if you will. A John the Baptist, who only lost his head, directionally. A Sally Struthers infomercial, aimed at the people, not the concentration of the people's power through the government (that last one doesn't hold, I know...but I won't edit it out. No, No, No ((us agreeing (((through singing))) that it won't be edited out)).

So yeah, so basically, yeah. He was supposed to deliver the letter back to China / India AsiaAsiaAsia and this visionary ASSHOLE, decided to go across the Atlantic instead of the normal trade route East. And you know what happens? He gets out in the Dominican Republic area, and spills the seed all over AmericariremA, Continental Queen of the whole Hemisphere. And so here we are today, prosperous and leading the world as the only super-power, because mystical / delivery boy Columbus took a short cut.

But as we all know, and as I've been trying to get at, but I find that you're not following me and that I have to keep backtracking….that China and India will soon enough rule the world when their gigantic populous emerges from their own "Industrial Revolution" and we'll all be speaking Hindi or Mandarin, depending on who wins their 4 or 5 wars (I'm betting on the Chinese- and learning Mandarin each day - through fortune cookies.

“Cesuo Zai Nali?”

(ps) pretty scary with North Korea, right? Maybe he really wants AsiaAsiaAsia to get that anointy thingy back quickly? Scary. Crazy people shouldn't be in power. They should be left to drift off in their imaginations like me.

I'll stick my face in to see

Who's to say what is real and what isn't? Me. Because you're on my terrain right now, and so here we are. Follow the Leader.

See that bush over there? The one with tiny pink blossoms? Upon closer inspection we see decay, slight wilting, frosty dew. We further inspect the specimen, licking the rough dew drops....sweet....a tad tangy....odd.

Let's insert our hand into the bush. You go first. Deeper in, please. Push through the bramble. Anything odd? Hmm....yes...that does sound odd. Perhaps that's a squirrel licking your fingertips. I'll stick my face in to see.

(pushing my face past the exterior leaf fortification, dodging tiny trunks and sticks and bramble, bobbing and weaving as I move to the center of the bush. I see your hand to the right of me. No squirrels here. The liquid you feel comes from a single leaf. The warmth from the center of the bush has completely melted any dew, which drips down and pools upon this leaf. I think it likes you. It has the appearance of the Queen Leaf and her highness is fawning over your pointer finger*. I take my head back out of the bush).

So that's that. You can take your arm out now. Let's go play. I have a rehearsal at 1pm, so there is time still for a quick bike ride. What says you, knave?

Yes, in reference to yesterday's blog, I'll be skipping the Renn Fair today. Eh.

*if anything, it's like the cartoon squirrel in the Disney King Arthur, "Sword in the Stone." Remember when Merlin turns little Arthur into different animals to teach him lessons? And a squirrel? He runs around the tree and this female squirrel sees him and has a crush on him. But little Squirrel Arthur doesn't like her and he tries to shake her off and ends of breaking her little Squirrel heart. That made me sad as a child. It still does. That queen leaf is like the Squirrel is what I'm getting at. Or maybe you were, last night?

** squirrel is one of those funny words if you look at it too long….

yes, one of the funniest and most dangerous combos ever is the D&D Fantasy player on PCP. Don't worry about ole' Gabriel. He is fine and dandy. Sure

Don't worry about ole' Gabriel. He is fine and dandy. Sure, he had a speedy, demony, drinky bike ride home last night with a stovetop pot for a hat. But it was all practice for the joust.

Yes. The joust. For tomorrow by thy Renaissance Fair in Washington Heights! Yippieth Skippieth!

Come all ye knaves and friars and.....ballhohooians! Let's make a pilgrimage through the "A" train to a land transformed. We'll eat fantastic meats; meet fantastic actors with magnificent accents and tights and weapons and hair weaves.

We'll pick flowers and run from those tending the flowers. We'll recite sonnets to each other, and although we don't know sonnet form, they'll be lewd as nosotros please!

(I wonder what ole' Spanish sounds like? Just more lisp?)

So, whoeth amongsth thou will join me in this quest? Who is strongeth enough to face an hour train rideth with me in costume-eth and mannersith?

On a side note, I was at dinner party last night and between sips of a wonderful Cote du' Rhone, fiercely holding the peppered steak and Wisconsin twice baked potato in duck gel together, we conversed on a wide range of socio-conceptual topics: foreplay if you will to the brandy crumble coffee ice mink-wraps for later.

I "caressed the outer labia" of the conversation with this statement:

"Remember when we were young, hearing about how Dungeons and Dragons players would use PCP and then think they really had those powers and go out and punch through cop car windows, and swing maces around and dress up and so forth....?"

Funny, right? Because as this musing continued, we realized that, yes, one of the funniest and most dangerous combos ever is the D&D Fantasy player on PCP. He he he....I'm thinking about it right now....hardy hardy ! Funny, except to the loved ones who get in the crosshair of the crossbow…or magic wand....or elfish boots......har...).

I did have another wonderful realization that resonated deeply to my understanding of relationship, shyness and so forth. I can be obnoxious hitting on lesbians!

Man, was I jerk last night! Or, no, I wasn't a jerk, but I was one of them cocky guys to this girl. Why would I finally act with this uber-confidence and not all the time? Because she ain't interested in the first place….so it’s comedy. (Or was it, Gabriel? This is your interior mind writing back, and I say Balderdash. You hit on her like that because you were drinking the darkest of dark rum and just played your best game of ping-pong ever. You asshole, fess up. You are a drinky monster, Mr. Jekyll / Dr. Hyde. After not drinking for 2 weeks, you're back and behaving poorly. And that bike ride back home was dangerous! But so much fun.......LET'S DO IT AGAIN TONIGHT!!!!!!!)

He, he…little cameo from my interiority- hope that came across clear (me too). How many voices are in here, and what separates me from the crazies? (At most 3, and you never had deep childhood trauma, therefore never having to depend on the other voices to deal separately with reoccurrences of the trauma. Lucky you).

Woah! This baby is getting long. You still with me, mein Readership? You look good today, by the way. That dress is kicking! Hmm....want to come see some weird videos with me? Sit back and relax....oh? Is that my arm that just went around your shoulder.....oops did that hand just rest on your thigh, I was reaching for the popcorn. Might as well leave it hear and enjoy the ride....

oh Suzy Tuesday

What a gig it was last night? Can you believe it? I knew a few people were coming- but I was actually overwhelmed by the magnitude and love in the room. Actually.

Lola cranked up for the first song doing her patented "lawn-mower" dance move and wa la! We were off and running on high octane. It was crazy- because I haven't practiced in a few days, but my fingers found the mark fairly well. Stain Bar! Man, their mulled wine is dopeje (czechlish for "dope").

I do love the fall, but does the fall love me? I ask this question once again peering out my window in a break from my personally bad work habits. Running the gambit of distractions, I should harness the power and focus on a single distraction. If only I could get my (Anthony's) bike fixed- that would take care of so many things.

I ran into a friend on my way home from Williamsburg. Let's call her Suzy Tuesday. Suzy was waiting to meet up with a manfriend at Blue Ribbon. I said that we should get a drink at Great Lakes until he arrives- I'd even let her pay. She agreed. We sat and talked and found out that the Masons are opening up a bit more to the world- it was fun. She told me her friend spoke to G-d yesterday during Yom Kippur. I wasn't impressed. I was skeptical. I know I shouldn't have been- but I can be a real jerk with my mug of cider and flannel waistband.

She said she wished she could talk to G-d. And the conversation went on.

She wanted to call the manfriend again- get drunker- go to him and straighten all the relationship thingys out. And I realized something......something deep.....something deeper than deep....something G-dly.

I said "Susy- don't go to him drunk. You and I both know he stood you up and it’s happened twice and a guy speaks with his actions. Don't go to him. You want to speak to G-d? G-d's right inside you and in your decisions. G-d’s that self-respect, that joy in simple beauty- that love that you feel for yourself. You just have to feel through the filth of self-pity you wallow in."

I harkened back to a previous reference "Suzy," I says, "Maybe he just had a great inner dialogue with himself. See, right now and right then, well, we can all have an inner dialogue with ourselves, but its when we see our limitations but have the faith in the emotional feeling of purity and joy for joys sake- then we are doing something holy...something G-dly…see past this dialogue / rationalization….we know there is something sound inside of us….reach for that souniness……does that make sense?" I'm not sure to this day (the day after) if it makes sense.

I said finally and most forthright, "don't go to him. You want G-d, well G-d is now." She wringed her hands, pleaded with me, said, "I know, I know, but I'll find G-d tomorrow. Tonight I want to go to my manfriend."

I really did my best to convince Suzy Tuesday that she shouldn't go to the guy drunk- that she should at least wait till the next day. I don't think it worked, but I tried.

See, I'm that guy who helps others with their self-actualization instead of working on my own. It's so easier to prescribe the answers to others, because then I feel like I kind of helped myself, but without having to change or do anything real.

he he he......oh well.....I think I'll take a nap.