lots and lots

Wow. So much happening, so much happened. I remember being home briefly in Richmond, vacuuming the linoleum floor. The vacuum hose attaches to a unit in the wall, in various spots in the house sucking dust and dirt to a central location.

So I was in the basement vacuuming a corner. I see a spider though it doesn't move. I wonder in the briefest of flashes if its dead and point the hose. It moves and with nearly no hesitation I suck in the creature. I then panic. I cry out the word, "empathy!" and rush to turn off the hose. What can I do?

I think about the poor, pathetic spider, doomed to spend its last miserable moments confined to a suffocating bag of dust and dirt. I hope it died on impact, or in the quick process of being sucked into the hose. Its just such a terrible way to go.

I think I was feeling especially empathic that day because I had a cold. I haven't had a real stuffed nose in a while. but I remember how especially when walking down the city streets, and clogged up and congested, I'd just feel tremendous empathy with ever downer out there. And it brought me down. And I'd have to remind myself that things aren't so bad, I'm just sick and having trouble maintaining my normally positive outlook.

So I had to tell myself this with the spider. But not before thinking about the thing I sometimes think about–the worst thing to think about–(disclaminer–don't read this if you're already having a downer Monday)–

–stories about the stories about thieves stealing neighborhood dogs, some kids pet; stealing a beloved pet from a neighborhood backyard, and then selling it to some lab for science–so that the scientists can do their tests on the animal.

Geez, that is even hard to write. I wish I hadn't, its too terrible. But I did. It was an experience, and its been written and now I pass it on, for better or worse.

But hey, that's what blogs are for–exploring. I'm feeling healthier and especially grateful after a really nice Thanksgiving day. My brothers and dad and I went to the park, walked the dogs, got out into the woods. We played some basketball (and I made the wining shot, hee hee). And we all got together and watched home movies–skits and stuff my brothers and I put on.

They were fun to watch. It was interesting seeing myself in elementary school, running around, or getting thrown around by my older brothers. I had a great time, but every so often a clip comes in when I was upset about something. I've always been real sensitive and fairly moody. It was interesting to remember how moody I could be in my past–a real moodball, I was. And I think about the happy Gabriel, the quiet and moody Gabriel, and I think about my current job bartending at a wine bar.

It feels good and connective. Bartending, I approach people with a confidence that when lacking fed into the moodiness. I think the moodiness had to do with not getting what I wanted, mostly because I never would say what I wanted. I just wanted it to somehow be known, and how could it be? So I'd be moody. Something like this.

So anyway, working with wine, talking with customers, it feels sometimes like I'm reclaiming that joyous, elementary school era Gabriel, loving the discovery, the sharing of knowledge–the taste is okay, but the communication, the ability to provide perspective and to be appreciated for this (and to appreciate back), that is great.

Its been an interesting last few days of the month. Lots to think about and to write about. Lots and lots.